Today marks the 3-year anniversary for when my eating disorder began. The only …

2 min read

Today marks the 3-year anniversary for when my eating disorder began.
The only reason I know this is because 3 years ago today – I put a call out on Facebook for advice on gluten free alternatives. 🤦🏼‍♀️
The night beforehand, I had watched the Forks Over Knives documentary on Netflix. It freaked me out. It made me feel like the way I was eating was wrong. My brain immediately went into “damage control” mode; and I made the decision to cut out gluten from my diet ASAP.
This is the event that triggered my orthorexia. In about two months from this point – I would end up going vegan and cutting out oil. It would take another 4 months to start having thoughts about “saving up calories” or “not eating the next day” to make up for a binge. I was on about 1200 calories at the time; and I felt immense guilt around eating “bad” foods. I wanted to be the healthiest – and therefore skinniest – version of myself.
I’m grateful that the worst of my eating disorder only lasted a few months before I recognized that I had a problem. I had lost 25 lbs – but I was never underweight by doctor’s standards – even though my body was definitely suffering because it was well below its set point. If you saw me or knew me at the time – you would not have known just by looking at my body that I had an eating disorder.
It just goes to show you that eating disorders don’t have a “look” and you don’t have to be “sick enough” to start recovery. Cause if I had waited until that point… I’m not sure if I would be in the place to be telling you my story right now.
I look at myself now and see a vibrant and glowing and FREE person. Free from my ED and free from diet culture and free from stupid Netflix documentaries. 🙃
If you’re looking for a sign to start recovery – let this be it. If you’re needing someone to help you through your journey – know that my DM’s are always open. Because even if you have trouble seeing it – you are beautiful and worthy and you deserve that freedom. I love you so so much. 💕 Xoxo

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